Whatever Choices You Make
by Gatergirl79
Summary: Lucifer once said to Dean Winchester that whatever choice he made he would always end up in same place. This story is set in both in 2014 and during the week following the season 6 finale. Spoiler Warning
1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER ONE

_ "Whatever you do, you will always end up here. Whatever choices you make, whatever details you alter, we will always end up here. I win, so I win. – See you in five years Dean."_

And here he was. Five years later and just were that evil son of a bitch had said he'd be. – Well there were differences. He wasn't there for one. The world hadn't ended in a ball of fire and blood.

But neither was he living the happy suburban life. Neither was he taking case by case jobs while speeding down the highway in his baby with Sammy at his side.

What was worse about those words haunting him was that they were a constant reminder of that future world he'd tried so hard to avoid and sure he'd saved the world but at what cost?

The Croatoan virus wasn't global but it was still out there. Lucifer wasn't running rough shot over the world, but that didn't mean Sammy safe and sound. Bobby was still around so that was a bonus.

But Dean had slowly become that heartless son of a bitched he'd told himself he wouldn't. The guy that tortured to get what he wanted. The guy who's whole philosophy was _'it's my way or the highway'_.

Then there was Castiel. He really had lived up to that future Dean had seen five years ago. In fact this Cas was worse. The drugs, the sex, the drinking, he was one bad trip away from head back to heaven in a body bag and he had no-one else to blame but himself – and Dean.

At least that was how they both saw it.

It had all hit the fan three years ago, after they'd stopped the cosmic show down between Michael and Lucifer. Sammy had taken a swan dive, Castiel had gone back to heaven and Dean had set up home with Lisa and Ben. Everything seemed painfully normal. Then for the second time the shit had hit. Sam was brought back from hell without a soul. Cas had teamed up with that evil bastard Crowley and was following in Sam footsteps on a downward junkie spiral. Only difference was this time it wasn't demon blood.

When Castiel had stood in front of him and declared himself God, Dean had been lift speechless for the first time in his lift. When he'd ordered them to bow down and profess their love or die, Dean had been trapped between hysterical laughter and pure fury.

He'd met his one-time guardian angel and best friend eye to eye and told him to shove it, then waited for the finger snap that would send them into oblivion.

Instead Cas had laughed, smiled and vanished, leaving Dean with Bobby and Sam. Confused and hurt. He'd thought losing Sam and Lisa was painful, but losing Cas… there were no words to describe that agony.

He'd told the angel – ex angel – that he was family. That he thought of him as a brother. But the truth was he thought of Castiel as more than that, though he would never in his life admit it. So when Castiel had betrayed him it hadn't just hurt, it had nearly killed him. Dean had never known what a truly broken heart had been until that moment.

After Cas had vanished Dean had once again buried himself in drink and work to avoid the pain. They tried searching for Castiel but it seemed he'd vanished off the face of the earth which of course meant he was in heaven, probably getting his own back on the angels that had gone against him.

He'd left Sam a mess. The wall's he'd broken down in Sam's mind were practically tearing him apart, which of course in turn was tearing Dean apart.

Once again Dean was trapped in the swirl of events, saving Sam, fighting crazy angels, desperately needing Cass help. Of course this time the crazy angel was Cas, so the help was out of the question. It was yet another case of save him or killed him. Only this time it applied to his best friend.

Dean did want to save the new god, despite his anger with him. He told Sam it was so that he could have the pride of ripping him a new one, but the truth was he just didn't want to lose another person.

So he'd spent weeks trying to keep Sammy balanced, hunting for Crowley – cause he really wanted the pleasure of killing that son of a bitch. – And trying to find a way to save Castiel.

All of which were a complete failer. Crowley had gone to ground, Sammy was slowly but surely losing the plot and Cas hadn't made his grand entrance yet.

The _he'd_ shown up, in this case it was her. God. Not Cas-god but god-god, the real big daddy himself.

And what he had for Dean was one hell of a smack-down.


	2. Chapter 2

CHATPER TWO

_Three Years Earlier._

"Hello Sam."

"Lindsey?"

The two Winchesters stood in the doorway of another crappy hotel room. Neither of them wanted to be here, they wanted to be out looking for Cas, but they needed sleep, especially Dean. He hadn't slept since Cas had taken a huge dose of radiated human soul and was now proclaiming himself a God.

None of them were sure why they were even still alive. When Cas had demanded that they bow down and profess their love or be destroyed something in Dean had snapped. He straightened his spine, glared at the one time innocent angel had told him to blow him. His bother and Bobby had held there breathes and waited for death. But instead Cas had laughed, smiled and then vanished. That had been almost a month ago and they hadn't had sight nor sound of him since.

Bobby had gone back to his place, in some vain attempt to keep the home fires burning just in case the new God-Cas decided to pay a visit, which considering how insane and pissed he was they hoped didn't happen.

Dean didn't have a clue what he was going to do if he ever got his hands of the son of a bitch. He was half tempted to kill him, though he figured that would be practically impossible now that he was all super-charged, but he'd like to give it a damn good try. He'd really fucked up this time and Dean was more furious than he'd ever felt before. Not even when Sammy had run off with that demon bitch and broken the final seal. For some reason Cass betray hurt far more than Sam's had.

"You know this chick?" Dean frowned at the pretty blonde before them.

"Yeah, we... worked together when you and I were taking separate vacations a couple of years ago."

Dean remembered that time, back when everything was simple, well simpler than now at least. It was just after they'd gancked war, well took his finger, his ring with it. Sam had needed time to deal with his screw-up and had runaway - again. Dean had let him go cause if he was honest he'd wanted time alone, he needed to get his own head straight, to figure things out.

But he hadn't been alone, not really. He hadn't truly been allowed from the moment he'd crawled out of his grave. Cas had always been there, watching him, ordering him about. Taking whatever shit Dean threw at him, while throwing his own right back. He'd spent more time with Cas during Sam's absence then he thought he could stand and when Sammy had come home, Cas had back off, leaving them to mend their fractured relationship.

And if Dean was honest he'd missed him. There was something about the irritating little tax-accountant that made him feel... something.

"Nice..." he said, sending an appreciating gaze over Lindsey's body. "…to know you weren't bored... listen love, if your here for a reunion can you come back another time, we're kind of busy." Deans' tone telling everyone he was in no mood for visitors.

"Lindsey, this is..."

"Goodbye Sam."

Dean turned to see his brother gone. "What the fuck."

Lindsey raised her hand. "He's fine…." She was interrupted by Dean's phone ringing. "…That'll be him."

"_Dean?"_

"Sam. – Where are you?"

"_A bar around the corner."_

"Just tell him we need a little alone time." Lindsey ordered.

"Listen lady… Sam? – Sam!" Dean stared at his dead cell phone.

"He's fine. He'll have a few drinks then come home. – Meanwhile we're going to talk Dean Winchester."

Dean was ready to rip this bitch a new one. He was in no mood for more angel shit, and going by what just happened he was damn near positive this was angel shit.

"What you want?"

Lindsey sighed and took a slow turn around the room. "Like I said, we need to talk."

"About?"

"Your royal fuck up."

Dean stood gob-smacked. What the hell had he done? Other than royally fucking up with both Sam and Cas of course. "Alright…"

She turned to him with raised soft brows. She was nice looking Dean thought absently, not like the other angels. Kind of like Cas had done when he'd first met him. That memory sent a shot of pain through his chest that caught his breath and the angel-girl turned to look at him, understand and sympathy in her eyes.

"I have one question for you."

"Shoot."

"What the hell did you do to my child?"

This time Deans' mouth wasn't just smacked, it was hanging open. "W- What child?"

Lindsey sighed again, falling onto the end of the bed. "The one Dean Winchester I put into your care."

Dean's brows furrowed causing a deep ridge between them. "I ain't got no kids, lady."

"I didn't say kid Dean, I said child. – as in '_all my children'._" She smiled at him warmly, waiting for the penny to drop. For Dean to understand just what she was saying.

Dean shook his head. There was no way she meant what he thought she meant. No fucking way.

"You got there yet Dean." She smiled, knowing he had but didn't believe it. "Good, so now you can tell me what the hell happened? I leave my son in you charge and look…" she waved her hand around as if indication something that didn't exist.

"I – This is crazy. There's no fucking way you're…. God?"

Lindsey smirked. "And why not? – Oh I get it, you were expecting flowing white robes and a long white beard. – Sorry to disappoint Dean."

Was she laughing at him? Was God laughing at him? Of course god would be laughing at him, the whole of heaven and earth were laughing at him, but you know what this wasn't funny!

"I don't know what the hell your laughing at, this isn't down to me and Sam, this is down to you and those dickless kids of yours fucking with our lives!" Dean shouted not giving a damn who the person in front of his was.

Lindsey hung her head for a second. "I am aware of what they've done."

"Yeah, yeah…" Dean shouted. "… I remember from the last time. It's none of your concern. – Well you know what, yes it fucking is. – If you'd just stepped in at the beginning none of this would have happened. What the hell were you thinking telling those brats of yours that one day they had to rip each other apart? –If you hadn't Cas wouldn't have become a raving loon with a _you_-complex!"

"If I had stepped in at the beginning you would never have met Cas in the first place… " Her voice was steady and calm as she looked into Dean hazel eyes, searching for something Dean knew wasn't there any longer. "… Would you have wanted that?"

"Yes!" Dean said forcefully, though unsure if it was a lie or the truth.

Lindsey seemed to know though and she turned from him. "Besides, what would any of you have learnt if I'd just stopped it?"

"Learned? Learned! – are you telling this was some kind of fucking test!"

"Please Dean could we keep the profanities to a minimum."

"_No!"_

Dean suddenly remembered the duffle-bag hanging from his shoulder. It flew across the room to crash against the wall. _"Why!"_


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER THREE

Lindsey stared at the hunter in a way Dean knew, it was the look Lisa had given Ben when he threw a temper tantrum.

"You met Death; you know what is in my future."

Dean felt his throat tighten. He had never truly believed what the man had told him. It just seemed too impossible.

"I needed to know what would happen to all this when that day came."

Dean sighed regretfully. "And we failed."

Lindsey looked at him in amused surprise. "No Dean, Humanity passed. - Heaven failed."

"What?"

"Dean, it's been almost a thousand years since there has been any proof of my existence and yet you, humanity, still have faith. You still try to live by the rules I set down. - Of course there's war and death, suffering, but that's life. It's all there to make you better, stronger, to teach. – but in all your faith is as strong today as it was a thousand years ago."

Dean scoffed.

"You all have faith Dean, even you. – Sam's faith has been a constant, despite everything he's been through; deep down he still has faith in me, in himself, in you – and so do you."

He sent her a disbelieving look and Lindsey sighed.

"… Faith isn't about…" she glanced around fixing her gaze of the bible next to the bed. "….what's written in that book Dean, faith comes in many forms."

"Oh please."

Lindsey ignored him. "… _Your_ faith is in what's right, it's in people…. You had faith in him."

That caught Dean in the gut, he turned away; the sudden sting of tears burning against the back of his eyes.

"He gave you a faith you were lacking. You gave him courage. – Just as I knew you would."

Dean's head snapped around and Lindsey saw the tears he was trying desperately to hide.

"Dean, I made a mistake a long time ago. I created angels to watch over humanity, I demanded that they love you, but that wasn't enough. It was like telling a man with amnesia that he had to love a woman he doesn't remember. – My children didn't understand what love was, so how could I expect them to care for you. To watch over you the way I would." She sighed wearily. "… You took care of Sam; you cared for him as your father should have, because you love him. – You protected humanity because you love this world and the people in it. That's what I wanted from my children."

"So why didn't you just create them to love?" Dean asked through a tight throat.

"I made a mistake. I'm a father, Dean. Didn't your father make mistakes? – I thought then that the emotions and free will I gave you would have caused more harm; I thought without it the angels would be happy, but it merely created descent, jealously. Some angels fell, some merely didn't care and just followed my orders waiting for the day when you would be gone and they would once again bask solely in my love. By the time I had realised the mistake I'd made, it was too late. Lucifer was in hell and the others had already sent this in motion."

"You could have stopped it."

"Yes. – But I didn't. I decided to allow this to play out, to show heaven why you deserved their love and devotion. To show them that free will and love are stronger that blind devotion. – But I knew you would need help, someone partway between heaven and earth."

"Cas." It was getting harder for Dean to say his name.

"Yes. – Castiel isn't like the other angels Dean, he's one of the youngest. – He was created with the ability to love. He had compassion and doubt, he questioned – though he tried to hide it. – He was what I wanted my children to be. I wanted them to love you as much as you loved them…. And it was all going really very well… The time came for him to embrace the gift I'd given him. I sent him into hell knowing he would never give up until you were free."

"You?"

"Of course me." she said surprised, like it was such a ridiculous question.

"Why?"

"Because…."

Dean always hated that as an answer, his father had said it all the time, like it was meant to explain everything. "Because… why?"

"Because he needed someone of strength and courage, someone who loved deeply and to whom loyalty was everything. From the time I had your soul placed in the care of your mother Dean, you were always going to be with Castiel."

Dean frowned, that sounded so gay right now. _Be with Cas_.

Lindsey smirked. "I realised you are uncomfortable with your…. Feeling Dean, but that is neither here nor there, and I'm sure you going to hate this but…. You and Castiel are soul-mates quite literally.

Dean swallowed and blushed scarlet. "Wh – what?"

"I use just a small part of an angels graces to create a human soul Dean, that's why everyone has a guardian angel. – Yes they do exist. – There are many angels in heaven Dean; they are not all soldiers like Castiel. - You've met a cherub? Well guardian angels are similar, they as there to watch over the humans bound to them, keep them safe and when the time comes lead them to heaven. – But I knew a normal guardian angel would not suffice for you, not if you were going to hold out against Michael and Lucifer, not if you were going to have the strength to allow Sam to do what was needed. You would need a strength that a guardian angel could not provide. – So I took it from the angel who love and compassion matched your own."

"Cas." Dean swallowed, he wasn't sure whether to laugh or throw up and so he settled for simply glaring.


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER FOUR

"Then somehow it went wrong." She turned accusing eyes on Dean.

"Don't look at me like that; I didn't make him go wacko. – I tried to stop it."

"When?"

"What do you mean when?"

"When did you try to stop it? – How long did it take you to realised something was wrong Dean? – A second, a minuet…. A _year?_"

Dean hung his head. "I had other things on my mind."

"Sam? – Lisa? – Even though Castiel told you that Sam was safer the way he was, even though you weren't happy with Lisa.- Even though Castiel told you he was fighting a war."

"We offered to help!"

"Did you mean it?"

"Yes."

"Really? – You know Dean someone once said, '_when a friend is in trouble, don't annoy him by asking if there is anything you can do. Think up something appropriate and do it'._"

"And what the fuck was I meant to do… it's not like I could just drive up to heaven and kick Raphael butt for him…. besides he was lying to me!" Dean said emotionally, the pain still raw.

Lindsey hung her head. "He was mistakenly trying to protect you. – That's what you do for someone you love Dean." She saw in flinch at her words, most probably know Dean Winchester, it was the mention of love. "…You should know that better than anyone. You lied to Sam, Sam lied to you. How is what Castiel did any different?"

"It just is." He snapped angrily.

Lindsey titled her head to the side, not in confusion at Cas was want to do, but with a deep knowledge, the ability to see beneath Dean's anger and hurt.

"Love is as destructive as hate, more so even." She said absently. "His love for you, his need to make you happy, to keep you save, led to this."

"His desire to kick Raphael's butt led to this." Dean replied angrily, he would not take the blame for Cass mistakes. – Even if he did feel responsible.

Even if God had a point.

He had been too wrapped up in his own problems to see what was happening to Cas. In hindsight there were a thousand little things that should have sent alarm bells sounding in his head. Kissing that demon bitch Meg was just one of them.

"I guess we're not the soul-mates you wanted." Dean murmured under his breath, though he knew God had heard it.

"First of all Dean, this had nothing to do with Raphael other than that he wanted to free Michael and Lucifer, which as I'm sure your aware would have set this whole thing back on track, ultimately leading to Yours and Sam's deaths. – Secondly, it is hard for two souls to communicate when one has his fingers in his ear, while humming Metallica."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Thank you for all you reviews. I'm not sure if this is going as I originally planned by well, I'll keep going and see how it ends. :D**


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER FIVE

Dean ran his hand through his hair. "So what now?"

"You tell me?"

There was a long drawn silence, neither one speaking, moving or it seemed breathing, until finally Dean spoke.

"Can you fix it?"

Lindsey smiled sadly for a moment. "Yes, of course. Do you think I'm here for the fun of it? – I was enjoying my retirement."

"Retirement? – Looking like that?" Dean smirked for the first time in what felt like eternity.

"I don't always look like this Dean; I can take on many forms. – I arrived here like this because I knew Sam would recognize me."

"So you did…. "

Lindsey laughed at the unasked question before gesturing to herself. "Hello, God."

"Yeah right. – That would most definitely be…. Weird, even for us."

"Yes it most certainly would. I simply made contact with Sam because I knew he needed it, because I saw that you and him were heading down the wrong path, separated, I needed you together. If you weren't…. well you saw what would have happened."

"Yeah." Dean sighed. "Thank heavens we put of stop to that."

He could have sworn something passed over Gods' face for the briefest moments, something like regret or shame…. Or sorrow. But it was gone too quickly and Dean figured he'd imagined it.

"So you're going to put everything back to rights then." Dean smiled confidently.

"Back to rights? – If you're asking if I'm going to wipe the past seven years – or the last 30. – clean; the answers no. What is done is done, Dean. What has happened is part of the lesson, if I erase it you will not be the man you need to be. A war is not over after a single battle Dean, his is not that end, but merely a lull in fighting."

"But…. Are you saying it's not over? – But you just said you were going to fix it."

"And I will. – I'll deal with Castiel, I'll return to heaven and try restore some semblance of peace, try to figure out where I went wrong."

"And then start this all over again!" Dean shouted. "Set up another test!"

Lindsey glared at him for the first time. "I do not answer to you Dean Winchester, you answer to me. I would remember that."

Dean knew when he'd crossed the line and though he tried to look defiant he kept his mouth closed.

After a short silence he nervously he broached the subjects he'd been trying not to think about. "What about Sam and Cas?"

"Sam… is a long term problem that you need to deal with together as a family, another lesson Dean. I'm sorry but there will be no quick fix for that one." She watched his jaw tighten as he fought to remain claim; something she knew was the most difficult thing in the world for him. But Sam had to learn to control his dark side, control that anger and hate that infected him. She could not just wipe it away; that would only lead to more horrific crimes.

"And Cas?"

"Castiel? – Well now that's a dilemma." She turned away from Dean, supposedly deep in thought. "I could wipe him from existence. – He would hurt no one again."

Dean felt his insides tighten at the thought. He was angry at him sure, but he didn't want him obliterated.

"I could take him back to heaven. Removed everything, wipe him memory of you, of earth. He would never be allowed here again. I'd find him a quiet little desk job."

That was just as painful. Never seeing Cas again. Knowing he was up there but unable to call on him, unable to talk to him, to laugh and tease him.

Lindsey smiled at the wall as she listened to the battle going on inside Dean's head. She had already decided what she was to do with Castiel. It was going to hurt far more than any of them knew.

"Or I could leave him here." She finally said.

"What?" Deans back straightened. "Here? – With his…"

"No." she turned to stare at him.

Dean contemplated that for a second. God was going to take away those destructive god powers and allow him to stay here, on earth. Dean didn't think too much into the whys or the what fors. He didn't say anything, too scared of how it would sound. Excitement? Pleading? Forgiveness?

Dean wasn't ready to forgive Cas yet.

"Well know that's all settled, I'll be on my way."

"Wh – What are you going to do?" Dean asked nervously.

"I will do what I always do Dean. – _'The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away.'_ – Sam will be back in a moment. Remain here until you hear from me." then she was gone, leaving Dean staring at thin air, his mind a whirl with panic. _'The Lord taketh away.'_ That so didn't sound good.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: I apologise in advance for any spelling mistakes in the following story. If there are any please forgive me and I hope it does not distract too much from your enjoyment. – If you enjoy :D**

* * *

><p>CHAPTER SIX<p>

Castiel stood in the bright sunlight of heaven gazing unfeelingly down at Raphael's followers. Heaven was his and now he could begin reordering it. He could make sure no-one laid a hand on Dean or Sam Winchester again.

He kept expecting to feel something. Peace? Enlightenment? But there was nothing but the constant hum of the human soul within him. He didn't even feel the pain of Deans' lack of faith or Balthazar's betrayal. It was as if the human souls had consumed his own. – Not that he had a soul.

He looked around at the beauty in heaven and wondered why his father would want to leave it. Why he would abandon them for earth. Earth was nothing compared to heaven. There was no beauty on earth, just suffering and betrayal. People who claimed to be friends, who called you family, who said they cared for you turned around and literally stabbed you in the back.

Castiel had decided to let Sam suffer in his torment for a while… though how long that while would be he did not know. Maybe until Dean came to him begging for his brothers release. Sam needed to learn a lesson and so did Dean.

After everything he'd done for Dean Winchester, the man he cared about above even his own father and heaven, and he'd turned his back on him, tried to use his feelings for him as a way to control him. Castiel didn't understand much about human life or relationship but he did know that that was not how you treated someone you supposedly cared for.

Dean hadn't even listened to his explanation. He hadn't given him the chance to prove that this was an excellent plan. Dean, Sam and Bobby would no longer have to worry about heaven or the fates. Castiel could have given them anything they wanted. Dean could have his parents back, Sam could have Jessica, Bobby could have his wife. He could ease their gilt. Make everything right. All they had to do is believe in him. Trust him. – Love him.

Why couldn't Dean just love him?

The bright sunlight of heaven turned dark around him, sending everything into shadow as Castiel's anger burning.

"Castiel."

The new god turned to stare at the slim pretty woman behind him. There was no head tilt of confusion. No wide eyed innocence. Castiel knew instantly who this woman was and the anger at Dean evaporated to be replaced with anger towards his father. Castiel met his creators gaze with pure fury. He would no longer bow to this being, the one that had abandoned him.

That had not answered his pleas for guidance.

"I gave you a conscience Castiel, that you did not listen to it, is not my responsibility." Lindsey replied to Castiel's unspoken complaint.

Castiel stood his ground, he was no longer a subservient angel, he was an equal to his father.

"And I gave you Dean."

Castiel flinched ever so slightly.

"He told you to stop. I pleaded with you to stop. – Over and over he asked..."

"Order!" Castiel interrupted angrily.

God ignored him. "… yet you continued. Now you do this and blame us." She waved her hands around the aftermath of Castiel's vengeance.

Castiel could not defend himself. He wanted to but the words would not leave his throat. He would not look at his fallen brother and sisters, slain at his hand. He'd killed so many angels, more than he would have believed possible.

"Castiel, I made a mistake and it has caused this, now I will resolve that mistake, starting with you."

"You will not destroy me." Castiel growled, raising his hand. "You abandoned heaven, you turned your back on us all, you failed, I will not."

That was not Castiel talking; it was the corruption of the human souls. That need for power God had seen destroy for centuries. It was the same power the Fallen had craved. It was an illusion of power because no power could match his.

A bright light illuminated the shadows, sending a shock wave that had already destroyed the rebel angels of heaven. When the light died Castiel stood staring in wordless surprise at God; Unscathed and intact, smiling mournfully at him. A tremor passed through the former angel, part way between fear and anger.

"Castiel." She moved towards him slowly, her eyes fixed on his as only a parent could look at a beloved child who'd brought pain. "You don't contemplate the power I hold. None can."

Castiel watched her close the space between them. He was rooted to the spot whether by the Lords power or his own fear he could not say.

"You are precious to me Castiel. I have cared more for you than any other angel in heaven, more than Michael or Lucifer. I have put my hopes for the future of heaven and earth in your hands and it pains me to see you reduced to this. To know that the love I thought would be a gift became your curse…." Her hand reached out to cup his cheek and she saw the humanity Dean had inspired within him battling with the human souls that he'd taken in to protect the man, a single tear slipping from his eyes at the touch of his creators' hand. "…That was my mistake…." She glanced at the angels scattered around them. "…This was yours."

Another blinding light eradiation the surroundings, burning through everything, until all that was left was silence, beauty and pain.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: I apologise in advance for any spelling mistakes in the following story. If there are any please forgive me and I hope it does not distract too much from your enjoyment. – If you enjoy :D**

* * *

><p>CHAPTER SEVEN<p>

Castiel couldn't speak, his heart pounding painfully against his chest, his mind was silent, the soul were gone. He was himself again and it hurt more than anything he'd ever wanted to feel.

"…You took the lives of those that tried to help you. Brothers and sisters that put the faith and love in you…."

"_Balthazar."_ Castiel wheezed through a tight throat, he could not blame that on the souls, that had been his own doing, though he had not wanted to kill his brother. - They had become so close, but he had seen what his brother had done not as an act of aid or support but as a betrayal and it had hurt and angered him deeply.

"That is the pain Dean feels now. He put his faith and trusted in you Castiel. His love…"

"Dean does not _love_ me." he snapped defiantly. "He would have _trusted_ me."

God meet his gaze questioningly "Or maybe you did not _trust_ him. – You knew how he would react Castiel; you knew how he felt about secrets, especially after everything he went through with Sam. You told me yourself Castiel, Dean tried to remain loyal to you even when everything told him not to and you say he does not love you. He had spent weeks without sleep trying to find you, trying to find a way to save you…."

"Only so I can save Sam." Castiel's gaze dropped as more tears slipped free of his bright blue eyes. He understood that Dean would always put Sam first, it was right to do so, they were brothers. But as much as Castiel understood Dean's chooses, they hurt. He was jealous of Sam to some extent, because no matter what Castiel did for Dean, no matter how far he fell from heaven; Sam was number one in Dean's heart.

God sighed. "Do you really believe that Castiel? With everything you know about Dean."

Castiel couldn't speak, couldn't breathe. He wanted to believe God was right, that Dean wanted him back, that Dean loved him. - But he couldn't. He'd betrayed Dean. He'd always known working with Crowley was a betrayal. He'd allowed jealousy and desire to control his actions.

He'd pulled Sam out of hell, not to give Dean back the brother he loved, but to get Dean back. He'd known with Sam around he would never stay with that woman. That he would hit the road again and it would mean that he would be able to return to them. - To be with Dean.

Everything he'd done was so he could be with Dean, because he loved him. He hadn't thought beyond seeing him again. Beyond talking or arguing with him again. He'd destroyed so much because of that love.

God was right, it was a curse.

"I cannot allow you to remain here Castiel. You have committed too many crimes, killed too many innocent angels."

Castiel knew what this mean…. oblivion, the end of his existence and if he was honest he wanted it. This life he'd created, this love, was too painful. He wished he'd never been sent into hell after Dean Winchester.

"Do you really wish that?" God asked gently. "Knowing what it would mean, the people that would have died."

"Another would have been sent." Castiel replied, unsurprised that God had listened to his thoughts. "Dean would have followed the same path with or without me. – It was his destiny." Castiel said in a small voice.

"Do you truly believe that Castiel?" God whispered staring at the dark hanging head.

Castiel was everything God had created him to be, the grace of an angel with the heart of a human. Doubt. Pain. Love. It had all been what he'd wanted. But he had made Castiel too human, his doubts were too strong, his pain too deep, his love all consuming. He believed in others more than himself. He protected the ones he loved to the point of self-sacrifice and had a dependence to have those loved ones near no matter what the cost.

Could anyone doubt that Dean Winchester and Castiel were soul-mates, two bodies, one soul. - Just as God had created it.

But that had been a mistake, one that needed to be mended. Castiel needed punishment, but she could not bring herself to destroy him. She must take some of the blame.

She lifted Castiel's chin so the man was looking at her, meeting her gaze with his own broken one.

"Please, one thing before….. Do not punish my vessel. Give him back him family. – He deserves recompense for what I have done to him."

God sighed. "Jimmy will see his family again. One day. For now he will be released into the care of heaven."

"But…"

God shook her head. "His time has been and gone Castiel, you know that. The moment he was shot in that warehouse it was his time, the only reason he did not arrive in heaven was because he gave himself back to you in exchange for his daughter. – Without you, he will return home."

Castiel heaved a heavy sigh of mourning as he prepared for his punishment. Whispering a gentle apologies and farewell into the back of his mind, where Jimmy would hear it, he closed his eyes and waited.

Gods lips where gentle on his forehead. "I'm sorry Castiel." She whispered.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: I apologise in advance for any spelling mistakes in the following story. If there are any please forgive me and I hope it does not distract too much from your enjoyment. – If you enjoy :D**

* * *

><p>CHAPTER EIGHT<p>

"God?"

"Yes." Dean said sat still numb on the end of the bed.

His brother had returned only a few minutes ago and Dean had forced himself to explain everything while worry and pain wrapped itself around his gut. He hid it from Sam of course. He was meant to be fuming mad at the god-angel not scared that God was going to scatter him across the cosmos. But her words kept replaying themselves over and over in his mind. _'Taketh away'_

"As in God, God."

That was the fifth time Sam had said that and Dean had become tired of answering.

"I – I can't believe it." Sam dropped into the chair by the window, turning to stare out at the night sky.

"Well at least you had better taste this time." Dean teased, though it wasn't heartfelt.

"Dude, it's God. Show a little respect…."

"Why? – Have you seen how he royally fucked up our lives." And was probably kill Cas as they sat there.

Sam had no comeback for that. He was thinking pretty much the same thing.

"So did he… she… God…. Say what she was going to do?"

"No." Dean snapped. "But it didn't sound good" he hung his head, resting his elbows on his knees so Sam wouldn't see the tears burning in his eyes. "… but I don't think Cas is going to survive it, whatever it is."

Sam looked over that his brother. He knew how hard this was for him. Dean always put the people he loved on pedestals, hell he'd been on one all his life, and when those people fell it was hard and pain and almost soul destroying for Dean.

He'd seen it happen with their father, with him and now he was watching it happen with Cas. Sam wondered if Dean was ever going to get over this one. Cas meant a lot to Dean, they all knew it. It was as if they were soul-mates or something_. Dean would hit me if he heard that little comparison._ Sam thought, but it was true. Their friendship was intense to the point of cutting out everyone else.

When it had been the four of them sat talking, Dean and Cas tended to look only at each other while talking, unless what was said was directly meant for him or Bobby. Sam had never seen anything like it in his life. Well, he had once. – With him and Jessica.

That thought had his eyes fixing on his older brother with curiosity, his mind speeding ahead at a thousand miles a second. - Surely not? That was impossible. He'd gone to live with Lisa and Ben. But Dean had indicated that the only reason he'd done so was because he'd promised his kid brother.

Sam was staring wide eyes at his brother, unable to wrap his mind around even the possibility.

"What the fuck are you staring at?"

"Nothing." Sam replied quickly and turned his attention back to the window, though those thoughts were not going to be leaving him any time soon.

Dean pulled off his jacket and prepared to settle down to sleep on top of the bed, he wasn't planning to sit up all night waiting to talk to God, when he hadn't had a proper night's sleep in what felt like forever. He figured if it was that important God would wake him up, or do that whole dream thing, hell if Cas could do it, so could God.

He was ignoring the weird sideways glances his brother was giving him, like he'd suddenly sprouted two heads or something, he was too tired.

His head had just hit the pillow when he felt it, a blistering heat shooting through his arm, where the faded brand was. He shot up on the bed clutching at it, biting down on his lip, his eyes watering with the pain. Sam was at his side in an instant, his hand on his other shoulder.

"Dean! – Dean what's wrong?"

"P-pain." Dean replied through clenched teeth.

"Where?"

Dean clutched his shoulder tighter as the pain increased, his face turning red; blood seeped from his lips as he bit down hard.

"Dean! – What can I do? – Dean you're scaring me." Sam said in a panic.

Dean sent him a look that said _'this isn't a picnic for me either'_

Then just as suddenly it was over. Dean fell back against the pillows gasping for breath, his face pale, his eyes closed as he tried to calm his pounding heart. He could hear Sam gasping too. He finally opened his eyes to check his brother was alright, only Sam wasn't looking at him, he was staring at the other bed. Eyes wide, mouth falling open. Dean turned his head and saw what had startled his kid brother.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: I apologise in advance for any spelling mistakes in the following story. If there are any please forgive me and I hope it does not distract too much from your enjoyment. – If you enjoy :D**

**I'm not so sure about the end of this too be honest but I went where my mind took me and I hope its not confusing. :D**

* * *

><p>CHAPTER NINE<p>

"Cas?" Dean wheezed through gulps of air, he figured he should be shouting, pulling himself off the bed to kick seven bells out of him, but Dean didn't move. He just stared at the man on the other bed, as Cas turned tearful, red-rimmed brilliant blue eyes on him and Dean knew what had happened. What God had done.

Swallowing hard he forced his voice to work, ignoring the torment of emotions swirly through him. There was plenty of time to deal with all that shit later. Right now there was only one thing that concerning Dean. "Are you alright?"

Castiel felt exhausted. He couldn't get enough air into his lungs. His brain was pounding against his skull. He was shaking all over and he could still feel the blistering heat from Gods kiss working its way through his body. He'd been thrown to earth at an astonishing rate, to land safe and warm. That had not been what he would have expected from oblivion. He thought there would be more pain.

He opened his eyes nervously and found himself staring up at a water stained, gritty ceiling. He breathed in the scent of bleach and furniture polish and a fragrance that was all too familiar to Castiel.

He shifted his gaze slightly to find Sam sat at his side, staring at him in fear and wonder. Then he heard that voice and his heart pulled tight against his ribs. He swallowed hard before turning to meet those hazel eyes, expecting to see condemnation and hate. Instead he saw only concern and he couldn't stop the tears burning.

_"Are you alright?" _

Cas couldn't talk at that instant, so he simply nodded his head. Dean looked to be in as much pain as him, though only God knew why.

After a few more breaths Cas spoke in a broken voice, tinged with regret and agony. "Are you?"

Dean didn't smile; he just met his friends gaze. "I will be."

That had been just a small step on the path that had led them here. He couldn't say God hadn't warned him. She had told him the war wasn't over. There had been a lull in the fighting and for a while Dean and Sam had slipped back happily into the old routine of hunting down your average everyday creature-features. They had all been given time to adjust to the new situation.

It had taken months for Cas to find his way in the human world, to learn to hunt like a normal person. Sam had slowly learnt to control the tormented mind though there were days and weeks when Sam was useless. When he'd have to be restrained in Bobby's basement, leaving the day to day hunting down to Cas and Dean.

The relationship between the ex-angel and his former charge hadn't been smooth sailing. Dean hadn't been able to fully forgive Cas for what he'd done, though he wanted to.

And Cas was having a harder time forgiving himself. That had been how the drinking had started. He thrown himself into a bottle when he realised it blocked out the pain and disappointment, anger and fear of what he'd lost. After that it was only a matter of time before the drugs followed.

Dean knew he should have stepped in, done something, but he hadn't and to this day he didn't know why he turned a blind eye to it all.

Sam had warned him over and over that if he wasn't careful he was going to lose Cas, and they'd both known they weren't talking about the drink and the drunks. He'd pushed Cas away a bit at a time since he'd crashed into that hotel room. Part of him thought that allowing the ex-angel to drink and drug himself into oblivion was a punishment for all the pain he'd put him thought.

And the women, well that was Dean's punishment. He'd practically thrown the man at every woman that came his way, as if getting Cas laid would prove that he was one of the guys. That the bond God and Sam kept going on about didn't exist because facing up to that was harder than watching Cas sleep with everything that moved.

Dean smirked to himself remorseful as he considered that he and Cas had kind of turned it into a game, a computation – who could get the most tail and the ex-angel was winning hands down.

A commotion in the distance caught Deans' attention, pulling him out of his walk down memory lane. He hadn't even noticed it was raining. He looked up at the sky and wondered if God was up there laughing at him again.

"Dean." Bobby's voice bellowed across the camp causing Dean to turn. "It's Sam."

Dean sighed. There was no further explanation needed. It was one of those weeks. Sam would have to be restrained; everyone would be walking around on egg shells for at least a month. Cas would throw himself back into whatever or whoever was handy, getting wasted was the only way Cas knew how to deal with his guilt. While Dean would head off and find something to kick the crap out of. It wouldn't be a quick hunt; it would be a quick capture and then days of stress relief. He'd come home, covered in blood and dirt to the waiting and disapproving glares of Bobby.

Dean started walking towards the cabin they'd name the lock-box, where Sam would spend however long it would take for him to take control again. The closer he got, the louder the shouts became and the more pain raced through his chest.

He reached the cabin and found Cas standing on the steps, his head limp, his hands shaking, a half empty bottle of Jack Daniels hanging from his fingers. The ex-angel looked up and their gazes locked, Dean noting the familiar shine of tears that highlighted his guilt. He wanted to say it was alright. That he wasn't to blame, but he was, they both knew that and no matter how hard Dean tried, Sam was the one thing he couldn't forgive Cas for.

And Cas knew it. That was why he lifted the bottle to his lips, took a deep gulp and then staggered down the steps on route to his own cabin.

As Dean watched him go he wondered; was this want Lucifer had meant when he'd said he won, because he won. He may have lost the battle for the planet, but he'd most definitely won the war for their souls, because there wasn't a single member of Dean Winchesters dysfunctional little family that monster hadn't broken in one way or another.

"Dean, get your ass in her now!" Bobby yelled.

Dean marched into the cabin to help lock his brother down thinking _Oh yeah, Lucifer had won_.

**THE END**

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I'd like to thank everyone for reading and review, there always appreciated. I hope you enjoyed the story. :D THANK YOU ALL**


End file.
